Fletcher is No Longer Adoptable

We lost the referral for Fletcher today.

Losing a referral is fairly rare, so when we lost Eli last month we were at peace about it. He was being adopted by a Ukrainian family! It was wonderful news!

This is harder. Fletcher has been adoptable for at least two years now (though possibly longer).
And now, one month shy of his 4th birthday, his birth mother has reappeared on the scene. Whether or not they will be reunified is unclear at this point, but he is no longer available for adoption at all.

Please pray with us that his mother is making a genuine and sufficient effort to offer him a stable, healthy, and permanent home. Unfortunately, many parents make idle attempts at parenting which only hurt their children in the long run. Everyone deserves redemption though, and I'm praying that this situation is for the benefit of the little boy I love.

We just found this out today, about an hour ago. I'm heartbroken, and am a complete wreck. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm blogging - lol. We all grieve in our own weird ways though, and here I am.

We haven't decided how, or if, we'll proceed with an adoption from Eastern Europe.
I just want to be a mommy. God knows that. He has a plan, and I'm trying to adapt.

Wooooa-oooah, Livin' on a Prayer!

Wooooooooa-oooah, we're half way there!

Eh, sorta.

The paperwork is getting easier and coming to a close, but emotional difficulty and uncertainty is taking its place.

We just submitted our I-1600a to immigration (petition to immigrate an orphan), which will take a minimum of one month to be processed and returned to us for our dossier, but up to 90 days (at the low, low price of $890!). Assuming the best, we'll be able to submit everything to Fletcher's country in late May, which would likely result in an appointment between mid June and early August. Big window.

Our boy's country has some big changes coming for their adoption program. They were signed into law a week-ish ago, and these changes will take place in mid-June. As of yet, no one knows exactly what these changes will look like. International adoptions may end for a period of unknown length, and/or the paperwork requirements may change.
If adoptions are put on hold, even if there are no paperwork changes, we could end up having to re-do much of our dossier (to fulfill the requirement that all documents be less than 6 months old at time of submission).
Now, if adoptions are halted, there's a chance we could be grandfathered in if we've already been given an appointment. Maybe not though.

Complicated, right? Those scary possibilities are just a sample of the entirety of my worries right now.

I keep catching myself referring to "our boys", and then struggling to awkwardly correct myself without either a.) becoming insta-sad about losing Eli, b.) feeling guilty for letting go of him so quickly, or c.) assuming that we've already decided to replace him with a different boy. Lose-lose.
His picture is still on our wall.

Deciding on whether to now adopt a 2nd child or not has been at the front of my mind. Nothing is more heart-wrenching than "shopping" around for which baby you want (because honestly, that's what it feels like). No matter what, we're leaving a child behind for intangible reasons centric to what feels right for our family (but what about their needs, ya know?). Three days ago I cried like a baby in Donald's arms because my heart wanted so badly to bring home a baby whose needs are beyond what we could reasonably handle right now.

And the what-if's? Like if Fletcher's country closes altogether and he dies of AIDS at 12 because they stop medicating him? This single scenario crosses my chaotic mind 17 times a day. There are others.

Then I find myself worrying about the comparatively trivial things, like the thousands of dollars we'd be out if this all falls apart. Worse than that is the guilt of thinking about money when my son's life is on the line. And suddenly I realize I'm being dramatic... but what else can I be right now?

So let's hope for a miracle. Finalizing our adoption before mid-June is unrealistic, so I'm praying for something within God's realm of workability, and that we'll be given a travel date before mid-June, and then be grandfathered in under the current process.

New Pictures!

On the paperwork front, we're just waiting for Donald's Californian CPS clearance (which was requested of us rather last minute, grumble grumble) to come back and then our homestudy will be DONE! :-)
Our social worker said that within two days of receiving it we'll have a draft, and within days of our facilitator approving it we'll have the hard copy!

Then, the next darn day, we'll be submitting our paperwork to immigration.


A HUGE thanks to Jodi for sending me these pictures of our little guy. They're wrapping up the adoption of their beautiful 3 year old boy, and they'll be home soon. Our boys are in the same groupa, so she snapped these beautiful shots of him while visiting.

He's so cute!

One Less Orphan

We lost the referral for Kirill.

The boy known as David on Reece's Rainbow, who we named Eli, has found a forever family in his home country.

Without a doubt, this is God's will.

From the moment I laid eyes on Kirill, I knew that the Lord had huge things planned. Please believe me, I don't say this in poetic retrospect. I could see potential in the face of every child in their orphanage, but God had laid it upon my heart, from the moment I saw Kirill, that this little boy was destined for absolute greatness.

His paths were being divinely directed, I could feel it, and I was grateful to be a part of it.

That knowledge has made this easier.

Since January, he has been prayed for by name. Prayers for specific blessings have been sent his way, and angels have been guarding over this little boy. I'm so grateful that, although he'll never know it, he had someone loving him during his last months as an orphan.

Kirill, already a full head taller than any child in the orphanage, was facing imminent transfer to an institution after his 5th birthday, only two months from now.

It is rare for a family in his home country to seek out an HIV+ child of his age to adopt. So while I may never know his family's complete story, I'm at absolute peace about his future.

You'll always have an American lady who loves you very much, Кирилко!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

- Isaiah 55:8-9

Oh, Those Eyes!

Last week was terrible.

Garage door broke, and cost a lot to fix. Dog hurt his paw, requiring surgery, which also cost a lot. Burnt my hand (a SMALL burn), which then got one heck of a nasty staph infection in it. Thankfully, our health insurance covered all those costs.
I could go on, but I wont.

Why? Because I'm adopting two of the most adorable children that ever lived. I have NO reason to be blue!
Just look at these eyes!!!




...and their goofy little faces in these pictures just add to the charm.
I JUST WANT TO PINCH THEIR CHUNKY LITTLE CHEEKS!

More About Our Boys

Eli and Fletcher are 4 and 3 years old, respectively. We're adopting them from Eastern Europe through Reece's Rainbow. While we won't have a solid travel date for a while, our *best guess* is that we'll be going to get them in June. Still, this is only a guess.

The information we have about them right now is limited, but I'd love to share what we do know.

Both Our Boys
Fletcher is front left, and Eli is the tall tyke in back.

This above shot is very recent. Weeks old, I've been told! Hence, why they look older than the pictures they were listed with. Aren't they so handsome and grown-up looking?
They live together in a "baby house", which is an orphanage for children ages 0-5. They're in the same group as well, so they share all meals and play time together. While many of the orphanages in EE are very poor, we've been told that this is a fairly nice facilities. For this, we are VERY grateful. They currently speak Russian, and while we do plan on learning some of the language to ease the transition, most children become fluent in English within mere months of being home.
On Reece's Rainbow they're listed as "David", and "Cody". However, these are neither their birth names nor their future American names. They're simply random pseudo-names given to them by the organization for privacy. We will be keeping their birth names for middle names, and might post them later, but for now are choosing to keep them private.

Eli

My sweet, sweet Eli.
(Well, probably Eli... his name is still under review. He might end up being a Benjamin. To cut down on confusion, we'll settle on Eli for now though.)
This little boy captured my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him. At 4 years old (5 later this summer) he was older than what we were initially considering. Still, I kept returning to his picture again and again. I couldn't pull myself away.
His description broke my heart; "...tender, serious, calm, less demanding than other children..."
Less demanding? ...of time? ...attention? ...love?
While so many of these children sell themselves to the camera with big personalities (um, Fletcher much?), our sweet Eli always appeared to be so sad and broken. Or was he simply at peace, knowing we'd one day find him? At times he just looked lost in the sauce... whatever it was, his sweetness and kind heart still shone through in every picture, and I knew he needed a family to love him.
Several nights in a row, I dreamed about this little boy holding my hand and calling me mama.
All who've met him attest to his sweet and shy nature. I can't wait to learn more about him.
He has brown hair and blue eyes, and compared to the other children his age, is very tall. As most of these children are extremely small, we estimate that he might actually be average sized for his age.


Fletcher

Fletcher... such a cute boy, and those CHEEKS! We have so many pictures of this little guy, due largely to his big personality. Everyone who's met him tells me he's all boy, and is not particularly shy. I really look forward to getting to know him and making him a part of our family.
We haven't been told so specifically, but we believe he has chronic sinus problems that need attention. In 90% of his pictures, his mouth is open and he appears to have a shiny (er... snotty) film beneath his cute little nose. Poor baby always looks like he has a raw nose!
While I don't know much else about him, he seems to be so full of life, and I can't wait for that energy to fill our home! My husband needs someone as wild as he is, and I have a feeling that Fletcher and his Papa are going to become the best of friends.

As I mentioned previously, we're adopting through Reece's Rainbow, a non-profit adoption organization. They primarily help find homes for children with Down's Syndrome, but they have also branched out to help little ones with other special needs.
Our family profile and adoption fund can be found here, and 100% of donations go to our family's adoption. If you're in a financial position to help contribute, PLEASE let me know if you do decide to donate! We had someone donate $100 the other day, and I have no idea who they were. Preferably, we'd be able to properly show our gratitude to those helping us bring these beautiful boys home.