Deployment Day

Goodbyes are always hard, and this was the toughest yet.

Donald left for Afghanistan on June 11th, in the wee hours of the night. We spent our last few hours together in the NICU, hanging out as a family. 

After 6 years of marriage and several months-long goodbyes, I've never cried during departure. This one got me though. Thankfully it was a small group leaving, and I hopped in my car when the tears started flowing, pridefully well hidden. I followed his bus until they exited the freeway toward the appropriate air field. Under any other circumstances, that'd be creepy. Donald would still probably say it was. Meh.

 

 

 

Hours later he phoned me. Their flight had been delayed, and he needed his iPad charger and laptop.
Out the door I ran! I would soon be getting just one more kiss! Ant fellow military wife knows that rush.

Then he called again, when I was 90% there, to inform me their flight was suddenly un-delayed. Typical Army.
After briefly guilting myself with what-if's (I had stopped at Jack in the Box to get him breakfast... an unnecessary surprise and fatal delay!), I decided to swing by the hospital and spend time snuggling my babies instead. If I remember correctly, I was in pajamas. Sans makeup. Puffy face. Haggard. 

 The babies didn't notice or care though, so it was a nice visit.

And that was Donald's deployment day.
He'll be back in late February or early March, and we can hardly wait!

2 Weeks of tWinns

Our beautiful little boys amaze us with the strength and resilience they've exhibited in the 11 days since their arrival.

Sullivan was born uncomplicated, and was placed on my chest shortly after being born. He was beautiful and perfect in every way.

Then we waited to see if Benjamin would flip head-down to arrive in equally uneventful fashion. Unfortunately, he did not. They went in for a manual breech extraction (um, most painful experience ever).  His head was stuck, and 3 different doctors took turns trying to dislodge him. The worst 15ish minutes of my life later... they shouted something about a section, and I was out like a light.
In addition to being stuck, his cord had pinched. My poor little Benjmain, they'd later discover, suffered a stroke during this process.
While unconscious, they sectioned me and dislodged his head, and then guided him out. So, technically, they were both born vaginally... with a "C-section assist".
What a unique way to be born, right?

Meeting Benjamin for the first time.

For several days, Benny was in a private room. I was still heavily medicated, and getting me wheeled into his tiny quarters was tricky.  My sweet boys face was hidden under a cooling cap; they had put his head into an induced hypothermic state to prevent further brain damage and allow him time to heal. Poor Benji-butt had suffered a stroke during delivery. :-( 

Kangaroo care with Sullivan.

He was only on the CPAP mask for a few days, but I didn't like that thing. It made him look far more frail and ill than he was, and it hid his beautiful face.

At some point on the day they were born, Donald made a trip from my recovery room to deliver colostrum to the NICU. While there, he held our Sully (who was not on the CPAP mask at the time, thankfully).

Sullivan, under the lights to zap that jaundice! 

Benjamin's cooling cap:

/

Sullivan doing Kangaroo Care with mommy, with that yucky CPAP mask on

Benjamin, a few days after birth, free from the cooling cap

Sullivan, momentarily out from under his oxygen hood.
His beautiful eyes!
The pressure from the CPAP mask caused a pressure pneumothorax, so they had to place a tube in his chest to relieve pressure. They then put him under an oxygen hood, but his nurse was kind enough to free him from the hood long enough for us to enjoy a few moments with him.

More kangaroo care with Sullivan

Daddy and Benny

(Do you see his little hand up in the air? That's one of the first movements we saw from him. Each tiny stir was a miracle to us, as we had been warned that his brain damage was extensive and to set our expectations low. Now, 2 weeks later, our little Benny is keeping pace with his brother, only a day or two behind. He is our miracle.)

Happy Memorial Day from Sullivan!

Benjamin, fresh off the vent for the holiday! The best Memorial Day EVER!

Holding Benjamin for the first time.

Daddy holding Benjamin for the first time

Benjamin smiling up at his papa

My little Sullivan

Their first presents from daddy. Hairy Benjamin received Chewy:

And Sullivan, with his prominent ears, got Yoda:

Daddy and Benjamin

 Sullivan got daddy's ears!

Milk drunk Ben:

They each look so different, and already have such adorable personalities, completely independent of one another.


We're so in love!

They are now completely off all supplemental oxygen and IVs, and are working through some minor feeding issues. They also continue to Brady (Bradycardia); they suddenly stop breathing and their heartrates drop. This typically now only happens when they eat (particularly Sullivan), which makes it fairly easy to catch. If they can stop Bradying and tolerate their feeds well, they should *hopefully* be home in another week or two.

They're so squishy and snuggable. I can't wait to go visit them again today! Squee!!

Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy

Happy Birthday, my sweet Fletcher. 

In the 13 days since Sullivan and Benjamin were born, I've experienced joy and fulfillment like I never thought possible.

However, a small piece of my heart will always be missing. It belongs to you, sweet boy. 

I wish things could have been different.

Maybe one day you'll know how much you were loved by a random woman across the ocean.

I hope Ukraine appreciates your presence; you're a blessing, and they're lucky to have you.

Happy 5th Birthday, Arthur.

Winn Twin Arrival

Sullivan Joseph Winn

May 23rd, 4:52am

4 pounds 15 ounces

16" long

 

Benjamin Hinckley Winn

May 23rd, 5:22am

5 pounds

Length not yet taken

We are so in love!!
Benjamin was in critical condition for several days, but has since greatly improved.
More updates on their health to follow.

They are beautiful, and perfectly perfect in every way!

Oh Belly

I'm large.

At 23 weeks I measured the equivalent of 32 weeks with a singleton. I'm now 28 weeks, so you can just imagine how big that is. My guesstimation is that I'm about 41cm fundal height (so 41 WEEKS big). We'll find out at next week's appointment!

14.5 weeks
(when the bump first appeared!):




16 weeks:




19 weeks:




23 weeks:




28 weeks:




Stretch marks finally showed up at 26 weeks. Based on my size and rate of growth at that point, I'd likely have flown through a singleton pregnancy unscathed. Oh well, it's not like I'm regularly sporting midriff-baring ensembles anyhoot. Guess I'll have to splurge on a pair of Spanx if things don't snap back. Ain't not thang.

Growth since Wednesday has suddenly rendered me unable to bend over by more than a few inches. If I want something on the ground, I'll be squatting or getting onto my hands and knees for it.

Half of my maternity shirts are getting too short, Donald's jackets no longer zip up, and only one of my sweatshirts fits. And non maternity pants? Forget about it.
However, I refuse to spend more money on larger and ill fitting maternity (read:ugly) clothes to accommodate this watermelon for 6-9 more weeks. So forgive the camisole-covered lower baby-bump that's now popping out of many outfits, but I've got two robust boys growing up in here.

Good Friday

Chunky-Dunks

The boys are growing well, as evidenced by their 26w ultrasound pictures.

Just look at these cheeks!

The Lovely Us

A few months ago Donald and I had a session done with Merrilee D. Photography. It was a fun day, and the results were beautiful.

All the pictures turned out awesome, but the following are our favorites (if you click on them, the resolution improves greatly!). I'm just sorry it took so long for me to decide on our favorites and get them posted!

Gender Part 1

Baby A (or was it B? Eh, one of them) is a boy!

Twin B was a bit shy. We saw something, but said thing was not conclusively a boy-thing.
My pathological need to shop the baby girl isles has me holding onto hope that the undetermined thing we saw was merely a hand or other gender-neutral piece of anatomy, but we should know for sure next week.

Until then, Donald's taken to calling them his boys. And, after a particularly vivid dream last week of me conversing with two adorably chunky 2 year old boys in matching overalls, complete with their father's frontal cowlick on both, I've happily hopped on the "boys" bandwagon too.

We'll know soon enough though!

Things are Changing

Well, at 14 weeks pregnant I'm now showing with these two rascals.

The crippling morning sickness is better. At around 12 weeks I graduated from non-stop-all-day-nausea to "I feel great! Oh, hold that thought... vomit"
Most nights I still find myself very suddenly heaving for no obvious reason, but for the most part that's a vast improvement, and I'm counting my blessings.

Other notable things:

My pre-pregnancy pants are now barely wearable. They button, but not without effort or discomfort.

My belly button is increasingly less "innie" every day.

I've developed a taste for spicy foods, along with chocolate. The cravings of Donald's children, undoubtedly.

I'm irritable. Almost all the time. I just don't enjoy people.

I can barely breath when our Newfoundland decides to snuggle on me at 4am, and I have an (ir)rational fear that he's going to smoosh them at some point.

My previous preference for very light salad dressing has been replaced with a "ranch soup with greens" approach.

Donald gets very angry when I poke or jostle my belly. He doesn't appreciate my attempts at early sleep training, and insists I'll do brain damage.

I'm currently reading "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, and Quads", which contends (with profoundly convincing evidence) that I need to be consuming 176 grams of protein every day... which is my first official shortcoming as a mother, because that's a lot of protein.

And that's about it.