First Day Working Front Desk

I had a colorful day at work. I've worked in Kids' Club for 9 months, but today was my first time working front desk, and I worked the super-early shift. A crazy homeless man (who cheerfully admitted that he was just released from prison) came in before dawn (when I was the ONLY person working) and scared me. Then he came back later, got a guest pass from one of the membership counselors, and then proceeded to terrorize everyone within shouting distance.

This guy was easily 300 pounds.

He made a crude gesture and sound when I bent over to pick something up (not knowing he was walking up to the desk behind me).

He used a LOT of our hand sanitizer, which I thought was selfish and wasteful. There are only so many germs on even the grossest of hands.

He complained to me that two women talking were hurting his head and that they wouldn't shut up. The gentleman was rather angry with me because I wouldn't make them stop talking and/or ask them to leave.

He then threatened those lovely ladies, telling them he'd knock their heads off if they didn't shut up. Luckily they're tough cookies and have great senses of humor.

And DID I MENTION HE JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON?

My calling is with children. I can NOT handle grown-ups. Especially the large, crazy, and criminal varieties.

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Stretchmarks

Some days this adoption doesn't feel real.

Unlike most mothers, my belly isn't growing. There are no flutters, kicks, or (thankfully) bouts of morning sickness. While other moms are experiencing constant physical reminders of the joy forming in their tummies, I have pieces of paper.

...and lemme tell ya, filling out ridiculous forms is nowhere near as fun as maternity shopping.

Sometimes, fear gets the better of me. My fears are similar to what a lot of pregnant moms experience though, I'm sure.

"What if something happens?"
What if the Eastern European judge takes one look at Donald's tattoos, and deems us unfit parents? What if my youthful face (at 24, strangers are shocked that I'm over 20) works against my favor, and the court decides I seem too young and immature to bring home a 4 year old we've fallen in love with?

"...is this actually happening?"

We fill out paperwork, and wait... but paper has no heartbeat. Paper is nothing to hold on to... and if I can't see something, it just isn't real to me.

"Am I ready?"

And other days, I wonder if I'm setting myself up for failure, and worry that I'm going to be the world's worst mother.

In the last few years, few things have been more unpleasant than finding out a friend or relative (especially those much younger and/or un-expecting/unprepared than myself) were pregnant (or, less frequently, completing an adoption). I knew that one day our time would come, and that we'd be parents. I had faith that God's plan for our family would, at some point, unfold beautifully.

It still hurt though - every time.

But now, there are days like today.

Days when I find out another friend is expecting... and I am purely full of joy and excitement for them. No jealousy, no fist-shaking at the heavens, no awkward silences or tearful prayers.

Nothing but happiness.

Because we're on the road to Little Winn... and (s)he is as real as if (s)he were in my belly... except that I might just get out of this without stretch-marks.

...total bonus!