Friday, April 22, 2011

Wooooa-oooah, Livin' on a Prayer!

Wooooooooa-oooah, we're half way there!

Eh, sorta.

The paperwork is getting easier and coming to a close, but emotional difficulty and uncertainty is taking its place.

We just submitted our I-1600a to immigration (petition to immigrate an orphan), which will take a minimum of one month to be processed and returned to us for our dossier, but up to 90 days (at the low, low price of $890!). Assuming the best, we'll be able to submit everything to Fletcher's country in late May, which would likely result in an appointment between mid June and early August. Big window.

Our boy's country has some big changes coming for their adoption program. They were signed into law a week-ish ago, and these changes will take place in mid-June. As of yet, no one knows exactly what these changes will look like. International adoptions may end for a period of unknown length, and/or the paperwork requirements may change.
If adoptions are put on hold, even if there are no paperwork changes, we could end up having to re-do much of our dossier (to fulfill the requirement that all documents be less than 6 months old at time of submission).
Now, if adoptions are halted, there's a chance we could be grandfathered in if we've already been given an appointment. Maybe not though.

Complicated, right? Those scary possibilities are just a sample of the entirety of my worries right now.

I keep catching myself referring to "our boys", and then struggling to awkwardly correct myself without either a.) becoming insta-sad about losing Eli, b.) feeling guilty for letting go of him so quickly, or c.) assuming that we've already decided to replace him with a different boy. Lose-lose.
His picture is still on our wall.

Deciding on whether to now adopt a 2nd child or not has been at the front of my mind. Nothing is more heart-wrenching than "shopping" around for which baby you want (because honestly, that's what it feels like). No matter what, we're leaving a child behind for intangible reasons centric to what feels right for our family (but what about their needs, ya know?). Three days ago I cried like a baby in Donald's arms because my heart wanted so badly to bring home a baby whose needs are beyond what we could reasonably handle right now.

And the what-if's? Like if Fletcher's country closes altogether and he dies of AIDS at 12 because they stop medicating him? This single scenario crosses my chaotic mind 17 times a day. There are others.

Then I find myself worrying about the comparatively trivial things, like the thousands of dollars we'd be out if this all falls apart. Worse than that is the guilt of thinking about money when my son's life is on the line. And suddenly I realize I'm being dramatic... but what else can I be right now?

So let's hope for a miracle. Finalizing our adoption before mid-June is unrealistic, so I'm praying for something within God's realm of workability, and that we'll be given a travel date before mid-June, and then be grandfathered in under the current process.


  1. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." James 1:27 (NIV)

    I read this the other day and immediately thought of you and the amazing love and compassion you have for these children of God that desperately need a home and family and I pray that God helps you with all the many things you have to do and go through in order to bring your kid(s) home!

  2. Katrina, we will double up on the prayers, remember what we talked about...You are strong and can do anything as long as the Lord and Donald are on your side, and guess what they are.

    I love you so very much...keep praying

  3. Praying for you and your sweet boy(s).

  4. Hey, Winns. Surely you will bring your boys home, of this there is no doubt.

    I do appreciate your honest feelings, we went through the same. Anyway, I am confident you will be home with boys (plural) before you know what hit you.

    You need them and they need you. Period.

  5. ::hugs:: this process seems so rough... but through great pain comes great victory, and I'm sure you'll be victorious in the end. We love you!

  6. Oh I am heartsick for your struggle. I understand even though our circumstances are so different in so many ways. Adoption is not for sissy's. I will be thinking of you and praying.

  7. All this would give me the worst anxiety! I hope and pray it will all work out for you, Donald and Fletcher!


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