Tuesday, July 13, 2010

An Inexplicable Love

Today I just want our Little Winn to be home.

I know, I know... I'm trying hard not to sound sappy and ridiculous. I haven't even met the kid. I don't even know if it's a he or she, or whether (s)he is already in preschool, or was just born. To emotionally complicate things further, we won't know until we arrive in Eastern Europe... which is nearly a year away.

When I'm not busy working or doing homework, I think of our Little Winn. Is (s)he in a state-run orphanage, or "fortunate" enough to be in a privately operated Christian facility? Is (s)he being held enough... or at all? Are kind words being spoken to him/her? Has (s)he had enough to eat? If (s)he's old enough to understand the situation, does (s)he have hope that we'll be there soon? However insufficiently, is (s)he being shown love by someone? Anyone?

The concept of loving a soon-to-be-adopted child has always made sense to me. Having known others who've adopted internationally, I've seen that engulfing love that overcomes them when they look at their baby's picture.

We, however, do not have a picture. All we have is an answered prayer. I definitely underestimated the frustration, longing, and love that would immediately result after receiving an answer to those prayers. The moment I felt our Heavenly Father had given His blessing on a Ukrainian adoption, a formerly unknown Slavic child suddenly became our child.
...and it's crazy how such a thing can change a person as much as it has.

So how can I explain the love I have for Little Winn before I know a single thing about him/her? To even consider elaborating makes me feel like an emotional nutcase.
...and so I won't.

I love our Little Winn already, I can't explain it, and I'm certainly not gunna fight it.

My cousin Laurel recommended a song by Matthew West to me, called "Safe and Sound". I downloaded it on iTunes and have it playing constantly, in hopes that I'll be come desensitized to it and won't cry every time it comes on.

I can't wait for Little Winn to be home safe and sound.

Can't believe you're here now
tiny dream come true.
The answer to a prayer now,
I'm so in love with you
couldn't wait to meet you.
hope you like your name
I get the funny feeling
life will never be the same

Safe an sound,
you're here with me now,
like I hold you near.
Safe and sound.
You're here with me now.
That's all I'll ever need

The world's a scary place here
but baby it's alright
I'll make sure the coast is clear
so you can just sleep tight.
But if you're afraid of monsters
like every body is,
I'll be right beside you,
closer than a kiss.

Safe and sound
I'm here with you now
and you will always be,
safe and sound
I'm here with you now
and that's all you'll ever need.

And some day I'm gunna teach you
the reason why we pray,
so that Heaven's love may reach you
every single day.
So baby close your eyes now
and say a prayer with me:
'Lord I lay me down to sleep now
but I know I will be
safe and sound'
you're here with us now
and we will always be,
safe and sound.

You're here with us now,
and that's all we'll ever need.

You're all we'll ever need.


  1. Katrina - I know exactly how you are feeling! I actually wrote a journal to Wesley when we were waiting for him to come home from Ukraine. When I go back and read it, those emotions come right back. We are in the process of adopting a sister for Wes, and I am going through the same feelings again! Best wishes in your journey, and if I can help at all, please let me know.

  2. You are amazing!! I don't know how you do it, you will be such a great Mom, I am getting so excited for you guys!!

  3. Aw, thank you Staci. Starting a journal is definitely a good idea, and I might have to do the same. :-) And thanks Kara. We can't wait!!


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