I Don't Need No Stinkin' Stretchmarks

Some days this adoption doesn't feel real.

Unlike most mothers, my belly isn't growing. There are no flutters, kicks, or (thankfully) bouts of morning sickness. While other moms are experiencing constant physical reminders of the joy forming in their tummies, I have pieces of paper.

...and lemme tell ya, filling out ridiculous forms is nowhere near as fun as maternity shopping.

Sometimes, fear gets the better of me. My fears are similar to what a lot of pregnant moms experience though, I'm sure.

"What if something happens?"
What if the Eastern European judge takes one look at Donald's tattoos, and deems us unfit parents? What if my youthful face (at 24, strangers are shocked that I'm over 20) works against my favor, and the court decides I seem too young and immature to bring home a 4 year old we've fallen in love with?

"...is this actually happening?"

We fill out paperwork, and wait... but paper has no heartbeat. Paper is nothing to hold on to... and if I can't see something, it just isn't real to me.

"Am I ready?"

And other days, I wonder if I'm setting myself up for failure, and worry that I'm going to be the world's worst mother.

In the last few years, few things have been more unpleasant than finding out a friend or relative (especially those much younger and/or un-expecting/unprepared than myself) were pregnant (or, less frequently, completing an adoption). I knew that one day our time would come, and that we'd be parents. I had faith that God's plan for our family would, at some point, unfold beautifully.

It still hurt though - every time.

But now, there are days like today.

Days when I find out another friend is expecting... and I am purely full of joy and excitement for them. No jealousy, no fist-shaking at the heavens, no awkward silences or tearful prayers.

Nothing but happiness.

Because we're on the road to Little Winn... and (s)he is as real as if (s)he were in my belly... except that I might just get out of this without stretch-marks.

...total bonus!