is agonizing.
I had almost forgotten how hard it is to decide which children you intend to provide a family for, and which to leave behind.
Even as we inch closer to making the final decision, we're having doubts. We were so gung-ho on round 1. The decision was clear on which children we were supposed to commit to, and there was no fear of "what if" involved. Now, we're trying to remove ourselves as much as we can without hindering our receptiveness to spiritual promptings. Keeping a level head, not getting too attached, yet still remaining open to the whisperings of a higher power? They conflict on various levels.
Then you take two very different people such as Donald and I, and it makes things all sorts of fun. If it was up to Donald, we'd wait until the same day of court to even consider who want to adopt (which, can you blame him?). I, on the other hand, am pushover for these kids. I'd put the paperwork in today for half an orphanage if I could.
But no matter what, lots of heart-string-tugging orphans will be left behind. :-(
I had almost forgotten how hard it is to decide which children you intend to provide a family for, and which to leave behind.
Even as we inch closer to making the final decision, we're having doubts. We were so gung-ho on round 1. The decision was clear on which children we were supposed to commit to, and there was no fear of "what if" involved. Now, we're trying to remove ourselves as much as we can without hindering our receptiveness to spiritual promptings. Keeping a level head, not getting too attached, yet still remaining open to the whisperings of a higher power? They conflict on various levels.
Then you take two very different people such as Donald and I, and it makes things all sorts of fun. If it was up to Donald, we'd wait until the same day of court to even consider who want to adopt (which, can you blame him?). I, on the other hand, am pushover for these kids. I'd put the paperwork in today for half an orphanage if I could.
But no matter what, lots of heart-string-tugging orphans will be left behind. :-(
In all honesty, that's why we're adopting two little boys from Uganda. Our paperwork was approved for two but we intended to only adopt one. Our agency director told us about both boys, we couldn't imagine leaving either one behind, so we're adopting both. It's such a heartbreaking, agonizing choice. Praying for discernment for you and your husband as you decide.
ReplyDeletePraying for you to be able to find peace in your decision. I know for me I only found one little girl I thought was suppose to be ours and the next day she had a family. Now when I look at the children there is not one that screams they are part of our family. Instead my heart goes out to all of them. It could even be that your little one is not even listed yet and that God just needed to put you in a holding pattern until they could be. I always tell my husband that it's not that I don't trust God, my problem is I don't trust myself to figure out what it is he wants from me. I know that you total trust God so I am praying that you are able to figure out what it is he wants from you :)
ReplyDeleteIt will be figured out. I know this in my heart. I can't wait to see it all unfold!
ReplyDeleteSide note: Thanks to the internet I have a whole cadre of Mormon friends! It's kind of awesome. I wish you lived closer so we could hang out! I'd totally babysit!