Thursday, May 5, 2011

Fletcher is No Longer Adoptable

We lost the referral for Fletcher today.

Losing a referral is fairly rare, so when we lost Eli last month we were at peace about it. He was being adopted by a Ukrainian family! It was wonderful news!

This is harder. Fletcher has been adoptable for at least two years now (though possibly longer).
And now, one month shy of his 4th birthday, his birth mother has reappeared on the scene. Whether or not they will be reunified is unclear at this point, but he is no longer available for adoption at all.

Please pray with us that his mother is making a genuine and sufficient effort to offer him a stable, healthy, and permanent home. Unfortunately, many parents make idle attempts at parenting which only hurt their children in the long run. Everyone deserves redemption though, and I'm praying that this situation is for the benefit of the little boy I love.

We just found this out today, about an hour ago. I'm heartbroken, and am a complete wreck. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm blogging - lol. We all grieve in our own weird ways though, and here I am.

We haven't decided how, or if, we'll proceed with an adoption from Eastern Europe.
I just want to be a mommy. God knows that. He has a plan, and I'm trying to adapt.

20 comments:

  1. Oh Katrina, I am so sorry. May you find the peace you need to make the right decisions for your family. It is always easier to look back and see why Heavenly Father put us on a certain path than to look forward and figure out where He wants us to go next. Praying for you.

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  2. Oh my heart goes out to you and your hubby. Many more prayers coming your way! Have you looked into the LDS Family Services?

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  3. Oh, my heart just breaks for you. I know God has the perfect plan for you, Fletcher and his mom. I pray that He will continue to guide your path and make it clear how and when to proceed.

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  4. Yeah, we looked into LDS family services a great deal. It was the most obvious choice for us, and was very affordable. We didn't feel comfortable there though. Too many orphans in the world for us to feel right competing for a healthy newborn at this stage in our life. Maybe later, but not now. Orphans need homes more than we need a healthy infant. That, and their social workers... did not instill confidence in me. Really nice people, but the woman we worked with seemed less than qualified, and was very shocked and condescending toward us when we stated we were uncomfortable with a fully"open" adoption. She responded by telling us "it was archaic and unethical to hide the fact that the child was adopted"... what?!?! I clarified that we just didn't want an open relationship with the birth mother (as is the definition of "open adoption"), and the social worker made us feel like there was no middle ground - that it was secrecy and lies or an ongoing relationship between child and birth mother, lol. We ran.
    I've been meaning to write a blog about LDS Family Services, but it's a very fine line between honest concerns and criticism (especially when it's related to the church), so I've been trying to work out how I'd word it all without being too negative or judgmental.

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  5. I am so sorry. What a devastating loss this must be. We lost referrals in December and ended up switching countries entirely, getting new referrals, finding out one of our boys is still available in our original country, and now it's a race as to what country will complete the adoption first.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is God has a plan here. It might be complicated or messy or seem really impossible, but there is a plan here.

    I'm praying for Fletcher, Eli, and for you and your husband.

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  6. I'm so sorry Katrina! I hope everything works out for those boys and that they are able to live a happy life with their families.
    I also hope that you get to be a mom, and soon! You deserve it! Hopefully you didn't lose too much cash in all of this, which I'm sure is the least of your concerns at the moment! But nevertheless, I hope you can find a child to adopt and be able to take him/her home.

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  7. Oh honey, I'm so sorry. You will be a mom. And you will be a wonderful one. Take some time to grieve your loss and then you can figure out where to go from there.

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  8. I'm sorry Katrina. God does have a plan. He used your boys to open your eyes to many things, be still and listen for His voice, He will lead you to your other children. Hugs & Prayers for you!!

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  9. I am so sorry to hear this :( Praying that his mom really does want to do what's right for him now. And that you will be led to the children that will be yours.

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  10. I'm so sorry Katrina, I can't imagine how hard it must be. I'll be praying for you.

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  11. I'm heartbroken for you..so, so sorry. Sometimes our journey to motherhood takes many twists & turns & of course, there are sometimes deep valleys. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will one day fulfill your dream!

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  12. I am so so sorry. I know this is hard - we lost our first referral. The Lord did use that child to bring us to Jonathan and we are so thankful for that! Be open to wherever the Lord is leading you. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  13. I'm so sorry. I know you are heartbroken and you are allowed to grieve. God is leading you, be open to where he takes you.

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear this news! I'll be praying for you, and for Fletcher and his birth mother. I hope God will lead you to other children whose lives you can bless (and who will bless your lives)!

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  15. Bless your hearts. I am so sorry you are going through this. Grieve, cry, scream, blog--whatever you need to do. I pray that the bigger picture WILL become clear and you will clearly know what to do.
    Love,
    Joy,RR

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  16. My prayers are with you and your husband. Losing a child is an awful thing. You'll be in my prayers - for peace and, when the time is right, for guidance.

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  17. Our prayers are with you. So sorry!

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  18. I am so sorry, praying for God to direct your path.

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  19. I know exactly how difficult this is as we lost a referral for twins. It is soooo difficult. Of course there are MANY more children in this particular country who are desperately in need of parents and I know you will find the children who are meant to be in your family. It's a long and winding road... Hang in there.

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  20. Praying for you all! We lost Caleb thurday in morning the same way. It hurts but trust that God loves them even more and trust in His works. We see it as a chance to save another orphan as we had been praying for the families of these little ones would see their worth.

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